| Coming out to my dad, and the story thus far... |
[Oct. 20th, 2009|11:19 am] |
The story so far...
Today's a really big day for me. I had a great talk with my dad last night for the first time in a long time. Ever since I moved to Columbus my main goal was to get my head clear about all things that were wrong in my life. At the time, the bad relationship played out and ended as it needed too. The job, a source of endless misery, fell apart at the seams as I was part of their plan to push everyone out to save financial face. I moved here, started over, thanks to some very generous friends, and set out to step by step rebuild and fix all the things that were wrong.
Everyone around me has heard most of the story. I got a job right away. The bad relationship ended. That forced me to build my self esteem real quick. Problem one was I was always internalizing blame. I was always worried what people thought of me, rather than being what I know I am and being comfortable. About that time I came out to my best friend Tim. He was completely cool with me and all was ok with the world for the time being. I had some confidence. I soon after got a *real* job. Then I met Terry. Not only did that change my attitude, but I had someone who believed in me. And not to short change any friends I made in that year. You all helped me to no end to feel like myself again and learn from my mistakes. Most importantly you all made me feel loved and no longer alone.
So flash forward. Life steadily is improving. This spring I came out to my mom, then my sister Bonnie, and soon most of my mom's side of the family. It was a big burden lifted. I was finally in a place to care about myself enough to know I could be ok on my own two feet if the apocalyptic worst did happen. But my constant dreams told me all would be ok. They were all happy for me and excited to meet Terry. 6 months later, my family treats me and Terry like they would Bonnie (my sis) and her husband Adam. I'm *still* overwhelmed. I guess I just didn't realize how much support I really have.
Time moves on, my Mom and her boyfriend Jon come to visit. a few weeks later my sister comes to visit. I had some real time to bond again. I really came to miss my family's influence in my life the last couple years. I am proud I've made it decently successful, but I will never forget who raised me to be who I am. But all this time I was still worried. What would my Dad think?
See my dad came from a very southern upbringing. I wont name names but some influencial people on my dad used to taunt me some when I was younger. It's all in the past now but it shaped later how I would view coming out. Would I be the black sheep in the family? Would they disown me or just pick fun at me? Who knew really. Well after coming out to my mom I found out both my cousin Savanna and Brian recently came out. What a relief that I wasn't the only one.
These recent family visits have made me realize that no matter what happens, I can do this. I just have to be confident. Something I'm still learning. But I found myself at a standstill. Do I call out of the blue when I havent called him in several months? Do I wrote a letter? I better do something. The holidays are coming and most likely terry and I will visit while my dad is there visiting the same family. I called my aunt katie and my uncle George Sunday just to catch up. They mentioned he was visiting that night. I mentioned the holidays and how I felt awkward about what to do. George said "do you want me to tell him?" reluctantly I agreed.
Last night my sister texted me. "He knows" and then "Call me at home!". She told me his reaction was more of relief. He was woried that I'm 32 and supposedly single and was worried for me. Between her, Katie and George they filled him in on the details. I called him last night. It was the first long conversation we had in a long time. And it was totally cool. He didn't seem awkward like I had pictured. He just seemed happy that I was happy.
People can picket and protest and hold rallies for equal rights all they want. In my own world, I feel like I won. Why should I ever have to worry what people think of me when I have so many people behind me.. behind me and Terry for that matter. And why has it taken me 32 years to start seeing that?
Thanks everyone for being part of the journey so far. Tomorrow is our third anniversary from when me and terry had our crazy weekend where we connected and started our life together. What better present than to have our family now in our corner. |
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| What's been up with me in the past couple months... |
[Aug. 20th, 2009|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Gossip - "Pop Goes The World" | ] |
I figured it's time to write something substantial. I haven't in a long time since switching over to facebook and leaving livejournal far behind.
This has been a really cool summer. But even along with all the weekends we've gone to Bear Camp, Camping at Longfork, a great Luau party, a couple house parties... I'm realizing that I'm settling back into my old skin. I'm spending the time I have for downtime either in record shops looking for bargains (in my own geeky way.. it clears my head. Listening to whatever interesting stuff is playing and sorting through stacks for lost treasure). Or I'm at home vegging at the computer and uploading tracks to mp3, reading up on geeky trivia tidbits that only I care about lol.
Work has been very very busy. As I expected, when our company took on a contract with GM, I knew their enrollments would be full of bugs. And they were. I'm learning a few things about myself. First, I *suck* at multi-tasking. But.. if I do things intensely one or maybe 2 at a time I can do really good. I keep remembering that "slow and steady wins the race" adage. It's true. Monday I was suffering serious overload burnout. I actually left work at 5pm short of breath and had to calm down. Tuesday I went back in, having reorganized it in my head, and did ok. Being a senior polling specialist is hard work. There's me and one other person on my team who are looked at to be the leaders with this program. And then the other 2. They struggle. I could get into detail but I won't. I have a habit of ending the day with "I didn't get to.." instead of "Here's all the stuff I got done!". The last 2 days I've been better with it all. Today I got asked to now start doing another related job that will take even more time. I'm feeling like jenga. How many pieces can we stack until I topple? But I'm adapting. Most importantly I'm not letting it show as much as I used to in the same situations.. so I think I am controlling my frustration a bit better these days.
My Mom and her boyfriend of 13 years Jon came to visit last weekend. It was the kind of weekend I only wished in the past would ever happen. For those who haven't heard a hundred times, I came out to them earlier this year. Unlike my fears about it, the experience has brought back a closeness again with me and my family. So they stayed for the weekend, we went out to eat, watched a movie, chatted out on our porch a lot, showed them the town, and went to the Zoo. The time flew by so fast. But it was so much fun. They both seem to really get along great and were all chatty with terry which was great to see. It feels like all these broken pieces in my life over the past many years are finally fitting back together correctly now. Some days I start thinking.. wow I must be pretty boring. But then I realize it's just that I've been able to stop running and can stop to catch my breath now. (cue Bob Marley "Everything's Gonna Be Alright.." hehehe).
So all in all I can't complain. Stress is stress..everyone has it. But my life is great to come home to. I still like my job. I still work for decent people. I'm in decent helth. In fact I'm still working out a couple times a week. No serious weight loss but I've gained some muscle which is nice. But tonight especially.. just a 35 minute stretch on the eliptical made me feel a whole lot clearer headed.
So that's where I'm at.. :)
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| What's on your iPod.... |
[Jul. 9th, 2009|11:27 pm] |
Ok since I havent LJ'ed ina while.. stolen from liquidwayno...
An oldie but a goodie - turn on music player of choice and press shuffle. Write down the first 30 songs that play (no cheating!).
And go!
1. Cyndi Lauper - I Don't Want To Be
2. The Misfits - Teenagers From Mars
3. The Police - Canary In A Coalmine
4. Mylo - In My Arms (Popular Computer Mix)
5. Underworld - Twist
6. TV On The Radio - Dancing Choose (Prefuse 73 Remix)
7. Genesis - return of the Giant Hogweed
8. Elton John - Social Disease
9. Blur - Music Is My Radar
10. Morrissey - Shame Is The Name
11. Nine Inch Nails - Hurt (Quiet)
12. Junkie XL - Zage
13. Moby - Blue Paper
14. The Misfits - Theme For A Jackal
15. Cyndi Lauper - I'll Kiss You
16. Chicago - Hard To Say I'm Sorry / Get Away
17. The Smiths - Is It Really So Strange? (Live from "Rank")
18. The Bloodhound Gang - Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny
19. Pink Floyd - Keep Talking
20. The Kooks - Jackie Big Tits
21. Nine Inch Nails - Mr Self Destruct
22. Bryan Adams - Please Forgive me
23. Beastie Boys - A.W.O.L.
24. B-52's - Hero Worship
25. Billy Joel - My Life
26. Madonna - Holiday (You Can Dance remix)
27. Moby - I Love To Move In Here (Seamus Haji remix)
28. Tina Turner - Steel Claw
29. Guns N Roses - Shackler's Revenge
30 Nine Inch Nails - Something I Can never Have ("Still" Version) |
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| No Doubt: Live at Blossom Music Center, Cuyohoga Falls OH 6/29/09 |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|09:47 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Setlist (order is not 100%):
Spiderwebs
Hella Good
Underneath It All
Bathwater
Excuse Me Mr. (mellowed down version)
Ex-Girlfriend
Simple Kind of Life
Guns of Navarone (Instrumental/costume change)
New
Hey Baby
Running
End It On This (I think this is the song - I didn't know it but its on all the setlists)
Don’t Speak
It’s My Life
Just A Girl
Encore:
Rock Steady
Stand and Deliver (Adam & The Ants cover)
Sunday Morning
So I took half a day off work. We took our time getting ready and got there about 5:30. Almost no cars. Since it's pretty much in Akron we though "Hey our friend Elijah lives here..let's go visit him". The show starts at 7:30..unknown opener, then Paramore, then No Doubt. We left to get back to Blossom about 7:00. Then we got stuck in the biggest nastiest traffic line ever. OOps! So we didn't see the opener, or Paramore. Damn I wanted to point and giggle at Hot Topic emo girls.
We got there about 9:00 and parked. Then there is a looooong trek by foot that took about 15 minutes to walk. Quick restroom stop, and while in line, a guy turned around and nearly singed by nose hairs with the amount of alcohol on his breath. It was startling. As I found Terry again and we got to the crowd and as soon as we found a spot to stand the lights went down...
I posted the setlist above. They had a big intro music tape and a screen with their 4 shadows cast before they came out. The sound at first was awful. Due to where we were standing and the overhang style stage.. *Bad idea* Blossom designers. Lawn people get to hear a muffled sound if you arent close. A few songs later we moved closer and closer in the lawn and found a good spot with far better sound.
The show.. WOW. I was impressed. Gwen sounds goood. The band was tight. She hit a rough spot in Hella Good because of the low notes.. but otherwise all the good notes in all the songs were right on. Their sound mix was very clear too. I dont know all the words and I could understand them. That's great at an outdoor show.
Highlights: "Bathwater" was hawwt. "Hey Baby" rocked and had the crowd going more than any other fast song. "It's My Life" was niiice. They pulled that one off very well live. "Just A Girl" was very high energy (Gwen was doing pushups on stage during the intro). "Stand and Deliver"..the Adam Ant song. I heard their version of this online and wasnt convinced. I love the original too much. But live.. they brought it and this was one of the best songs of the night. and Rock Steady was a nice vibe towards the end of the show.. much better than the album version in my opinion.
Oh and Gwen talked about she will forever remember Ohio for its White Castles.. lol
Tragedy of the night - the 40+ Lady who almost set herself, the boy n front of us, and her own beer on fire because she was toooooore up and dancing Freebird style. Hippy dance of life and beer. Scary! |
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| Workin for a Livin, We are Family, Let's Get Physical, and Celebration, all on one blog compilation! |
[Jun. 13th, 2009|03:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
So exactly where the hell have I been?
Yeah I have neglected LJ recently. Sorry, LJ but most of the time facebook is more befitting of my needs. I know a lot more people on there than here, and I can get away with checking it at work. But some things require length. With facebook I can go more times a day, and with LJ I have length.. hmmmm LOL
Work
Work has been.. I dunno lately I get an indifferent feeling some days. Even boredom. It should only be temporary. GM signed a massive deal with our company recently. It was supposed to start June 1 but then the bankruptcy announcement set things back a few weeks. Then GM shuts things down a couple weeks in July I guess every year. So late July is when we start the heavy lifting and massive amounts of new project enrollments. I can get in some overtime if I want, though it is never required. I helped train 2 new people. the first..she was quick to learn and doing great. The second.. not so much. She was finally doing ok, then she decided to quit. My boss has been giving me more special projects lately and has put me in charge of upgrading a lot of our "How To" documentation, so I have something to do on really slow days. Until then we have new employees helping on a small workload and are biding our time til the new GM stuff rolls around.
Family
I know I posted about some of it, but still.. WOW. My family has been amazing. It feels so good to have that part of my life back. I'm now getting on the phone with my mom, my sister and even my aunt and uncle regularly now. I simply don't know why it is so odd for my brain to accept that reality is 1000% better than what I had feared. They all treat Terry the same way they'd treat Adam, my brother in law. And now I don't have to hold back talking about my day to day life. However I had one bad thing happen that upset me a bit. After promising to keep it to himself and going on a long rant to me about how upset he was that I thought he'd tell someone, my uncle told my cousin Scott. Then professed it to me like it wasn't a big deal, because Scott was soooo emphatic about being happy for me etc etc. Scott called the next day while I was watching terminator Salvation at the theater with Terry. I checked the message afterwards. It was the most uncomfortable message I've ever heard him leave. very "avoid the big fact in front of me and act like nothing ever happened" feel. I left a message back.. and nothing yet. Ball is in his court. Hoping for the best but not expecting a celebration. Could me wrong though. But I know what my gut says.
Getting Healthier
So I joined a gym..Lifestyle Fitness. My weight jumped up in the 240's, the highest I've been so far. So I decided to try it out. 2 full weeks in so far and it's not as bad as I thought. Mostly focusing on the elliptical machine for about a half hour and then a "24 minute workout" bowflex style weight system to try to lose a bit of belly (not all of it just wanna look a bit more solid and less pregnant lol) and try to build up some strength in my arms, since I have very little arm muscle and lots of leg muscle from biking and walking a lot in college. So far so good. In one week I lost 3 pounds and 3% of my body fat. If I get to about 220.. I'm probably gonna stick to that. Plus my grandpa died young because he left himself go and got very obese and had a heart attack. That's always in the back of my head so I don't wanna let myself get to that point. So we'll see. So far I'm liking it though.
Columbus Gay Pride next week..
Always a fun time. Two very good friends staying with us, William (shelbycub) and Drew. I know a lot of people really dish on pride because they think it's showy, or we are pissing off the mainstream, or what have you. I look at it as a privelige. South Bend/Mishawaka..where I grew up, had *nothing* like this. I think it is mind blowing to be there and see the city streets filled into the horizon with people who live and work in your own city, who have had to go through some of the same stuff, and just *how friggin many people* everyone knows that are gay. You see that and think how on earth can someone think so lowly of a group of people when we are everywhere and everyone.. doctors, teachers, law, politicians (the ones who don't *have* to get busted in airport bathrooms and deny it all), even churches. yes there's always the one guy in a jockstrap and rainbow boas that probably shouldnt. But the point is everyone is celebrating life. They are happy and letting their freak flag fly for a day. My favorite gay-friendly co-worker had a conversation with me and another gay co-worker last night at TGI Friday's after work about "I should have a hetero pride parade". My response... she should! I think any event that makes people come together and celebrate in a positive light is good. Now what she meant by that is.. she does not understand *why* society hasnt got to the point that they go "gay pride? why? shouldn't it just be pride period?" I agree.. maybe some day as a society we will be there. But probably not in my lifetime. In the meantime I'm gonna party like I mean it :)
What else?
I think that's all. Wow that was a lot. Have a great week and a safe happy Pride Month everyone! Big Hugs!
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| About the DOMA situation.. |
[Jun. 13th, 2009|03:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis - "Dig Out Your Soul" cd | ] |
This was a reply to a friend's blog, but after posting, I realized it summed up everything I wanted to say on the matter:
Reading what I have on this DOMA thing... it baffles me that I read more about the whining and the bitching and the dramafest-filled comments before I ever got a change to see what it was actually about. I do not agree with the bitchfitting mainstream.. if that is indeed the mainstream opinion.
I see this, as any type of civil or human rights battle as something that has to be played like chess. The advances that are made happen when you aren't looking. If Obama really is a friend to the gay community, he's going to know that the real changes won't happen overnight. They happen through education and interpersonal change. Not by force.
Of course this gets more info out there in the world about the situation. But the more I read about it, just like with Prop 8, I see more and more people commenting "wow.. you really are a loony. I'm not even gay and wow.. how can you not use common sense?".
The world is changing, but like anything it changes slowly. Each of us gets a change to be part of that change. I just came out to my family for instance.. and this year Pride means a lot to me because, not only am I no longer scared, but I have the chance to educate those around me. If you can change a couple minds, so can the next person. But I don't think me staging a protest or shooting down Obama with any amount of words is going to make people see the big picture in a positive light. Those on the fence might be like "wow.. what a bitch.. why would I want that person to have what I have.. they suck!" My gut feeling is that Obama is making measured moves to keep supporters to get the real problems fixed. If you have no economy, no health care.. then what is there to have be equal, if even the straight couples have nothing either? That affects *everybody*. Make the masses happy about the important stuff and then move to the next item on the agenda. Educate them that our extra expendable income is part of the reason for the economic rebound.. etc. Minds can be changed but by education not by force. When you push people usually force back. |
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| Bears Got Talent! I made it to the finals! |
[Jun. 8th, 2009|07:37 pm] |
Hey guys thanks to those of you who voted I made it to the finals! Here's the finals round.. and me singing of all things "A Little Respect" by Erasure as my entry. If you want to vote just click on the video so you are actually on youtube, and post a comment saying "I vote for.."
I don't expect to come close.. the other two on there are extremely talented. But it's a lot of fun to be this far when I thought this would just be a silly thing to do for fun...
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| Bears Got talent... finals?? |
[Jun. 2nd, 2009|08:35 pm] |
I'm am like neck and neck at being in the final three on this thing! If you haven't gone to see this.. it's pretty cool.. a bunch of bears showing off their talents. I decided to sing George Michael's "I Want Your Sex" acapella style. If you wanna vote, follow the clip back to youtube and it lets you vote by making a comment...
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| The Gym: Day One |
[Jun. 2nd, 2009|08:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the annoying song of the passing ice cream truck | ] |
Sunday I finally broke down and decided to join a gym. Not so much to lose weight (well a little..I'd be happy to get to 220..havent been that since I was pre-college). But moreso because I don't get any exercise, and I know heart problems affected my Grandpa. he died young of heart failure but mainly he let himself go weight-wise. I always wanted to build up my upper body some and not get so winded so that's kind of my goal.
So...day one..
So I headed to Lifestyle Fitness after work.. my first real workout. I got all changed and had to ask around because the setup was so different. I kinda felt like a dork when I had to ask "ok.. so how downtown has 3 rows of equipment..the middle one.. thats what I want to do.."
I started out on an "elliptical" I think its called.. its like a walking machine but more rhythmic..but not quite like skiing. I did that 10 minutes.. I got up at highest 4 mph but usually about 3ish.
Then I did a set of equipment where you do a whole row.. 15 of each, 3 times. Supposed to take 24 minutes. It probably took me 45. And so many people butt in and only do 1 and stay there so I had to keep coming back to stuff. But it still was ok. But it is a little weird having someone next to me watch as I drop the 100lb setting down to 30 or 40. Most things I could do 30 lbs. Two of the arm ones I had to do 25 and even that was hard, but I have literally no upper body/arm strength..thats my main goal.
So I made it all the way through, tried the sauna thing (actually I think it helped with the nasty sinus headache Ive had for 3 days), cleaned up and went home. But I stopped at the store first.. to get another pair of cheap workout shorts, a towel to take with me, and to look for a cd that should have come out today but nobody has (Tiga's "Ciao").
I did feel this weird sorta buzz while I was shopping. I guess thats what they always talk about. I can tell I'm tired..like muscle tired.. but I dont feel mopey tired. We'll see how this goes.
Oh and I came home and had the new Dave Matthews Band deluxe edition + free live 3cd set waiting on my doorstep. Time to relax.. :) :) |
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| Bears Got Talent... |
[May. 31st, 2009|09:09 pm] |
Ok..somehow I talked myself into doing this. I'm now part of a "Bears Got Talent" clip courtesy of funfur.tv. So go watch, point, snicker, and vote for me and you'll be my best friend :) :)
www.youtube.com/watch
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| Oh hell no uh-huh eww nasty I'm done... |
[May. 29th, 2009|01:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work at lunch | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | ewwww | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Eminem - "Crack A Bottle" | ] |
This nugget of wrongness brought to you by Andrew.. while we were on lunch at Arby's..discussing things you wish you hadn't seen after walking through the IML vendor mart..
Me: "Yeah then I stumble past a table thinking 'Oh..videos'..til I realize they have names like 'Brown Town'.."
Andrew: or Death by Chocolate. It's also a snuff film!
for the win. |
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| Memorial Day Weekend Vacation...Day 3: Bears loose in Chicago |
[May. 28th, 2009|10:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lady Gaga - "LoveGame" | ] |
Saturday:
I don't really remember what time we got up. After going to bed about 3am, anything seemed early. I immediately got up and got myself showered and awake. While Terry was getting up and around and showering, I headed down the hospitality suite for donuts. I don't care how hard you try to design them by chopping them in half and rearranging them. Donuts are donuts. And I had coffee. Probably a mistake because I got super chatty with (a different) Terry who I met way back from Dayton and his partner. Concerta + Strong Coffee + powdered donuts = Rob not shutting up.. yes it's embarrassing when I notice after the fact.. but all seemed ok.
We got ready for the bar crawl, that started afternoonish. We made it onto the 2nd bus into Boystown. The bus trip was fun as usual. We were let off at the north end of the area. We started at North End..the sports bar, which had karaoke. Bad karaoke. And it was kinda dead. But they had sausages so we stayed a minute. I had a Mojito for the first time. Not too bad I guess. Then on to the next bar down the block.. Buddy Love's. This the "Bearaoke" party. Still early..
"SLUT!!!!" I hear from across the room. "WHORE!!" I screamed back as Wayne ran up and bear hugged me. I knew he'd be here. I knew he'd be singing an Eagles song (that came not much later).. and also saw my buddy Chris from back during my first trip ever to Boystown. Karaoke was fun! One guy we had just met sang "Wonderboy" by tenacious D (and very good I might add). I sang my standard "You Spin Me Round Like A Record". That is a hard ass song to sing. There's no room to take a breath in much of the song. But I needed a purple drape and a drop down discoball to do the song properly lol. But it seemed to get the room lifted up and lively. Yeay mission accomplished. Not long after we went across the street to Cellblock. But we were stopped at the door by Larkin.. I havent seen Larkin in a while. He was exes with a friend I would see later that weekend Ben (Benski) at one of the first parties I was ever invited to. weird way to meet but I love his backwards sense of humor. We were gonna skip Cellblock but the owner was apparently trying hard to get people in for free food. So we stayed a minute, I had a chocolate chip cookie lol and moved on..
Next we went to Buck's. Bucks is the "Party ends up here" part of the crawl. The boxer party. Supposedly yo lose everything but your boxers and check it all at the door. About 15 people in a mass of a couple hundred did that. So I didn't and was it ever packed in there. But I got some great pics. They had food too but I didnt grab any. It was very hard to move and.. well I'm weird with crowds. I can handle like at a concert.. or in a crowd where people are civil but pushed together.. but I cant deal with people not paying attention and bumping pushing shoving with no regard. I get very aggressive very fast and have to get away. Luckily we found a corner where no one had been standing and stayed there a bit. Larkin came back with a spatula he found at "The Brown Elephant" (a flea market type charity place in boystown. It was the biggest spatula I'd ever seen. It was $2 so he bought it just to carry as a prop. :) Great photo op.
Then we stopped at "Gaymart". yes that's a real store. It's like Spencers but way more awesome stuff, plus a lot of pride paraphenalia. I got the coolest thing. A stuffed bomb (think Wile E Coyote..made by ACME). Labelled "The F Bomb". When you throw it, it shouts "F*CK!!" and makes an explosion sound. Haaaaaad to have it. Plus I got my mom a shot glass (which I forgot to give you Mom! I will bring it next time I visit). We met up with Shannon Grady of bTalk fame, infamy, however you call it :) and a group of us headed back to the bus stop area. While we waited outside Buddy Love's, someone *rocked* Prince's "Darling Nikki". All that was missing was this guy humping the stage like in the movie. Priceless!!
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After hitting the hotel I get a text that Bear and Kevin were in town. They came up with my friend Billy from Indy and went over to the Hilton for IML (International Mr Leather) also going on that weekend. We were told by someone that it was a walkable distance so we walked..and walked... and walked to meet them. We both got testy, and hungry, and tired.. but finally got there and found a small diner/burger joint. Seemingly ok. The food was decent. we shared a basket of deep friend veggies (hahah healthy?? haha) and I had a Bison burger. MMmmmm. But they waitress struggled. St-ruggg-lled. She messed up how we were billed only after messing up 3 tables behind us. They were all wearing leather so she assumed all were on the same bill. They were not happy. Oh I forgot that when we came in, they wanted to seat 5 of us big guys at a tiny table.. Bear asked if we could get 2 tables together and the skinny guy says snidely "ughh.. for the 5 of you??". Fail.
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Billy had his car *yeay* so he drove us back to the hotel. Terry was tired out and didn't really wanna go to the Double Door for the dance party. I was debating but decided to go. usually I'm weird going somewhere alone, and even the bus ride was a bit quiet for me.
Once I got there I ran into Chris, then Paulo and Brian, and Wayne, and a few others I knew as well so I was comfortable again. $5 for all you can drink the first 2 hours. I must have had like 4 fuzzy navels...they were weak but still not too bad. I got out there and shook it like I didn't care for a couple hours as DJ Eddie rocked it.. and there was the contest in between.
Bear contests crack me up, period. If you don't make it funny you miss the point. To me the whole point of being a bear is being happy with yourself and your body and *not* feeling like an outcast. So why do we put 4 people on stage and give a prize to the one that primps the most and strains the hardest to act butch on stage? Sure they may all be nice to look at.. but seriously. One of the contestants I overheard a couple times that day going on about how he had to win this thing. sad. But Woofer hosted it.. and he's funny and adorable so he made it not suck too bad. Then back to dancing til my body gave out.. hopped a bus back to the hotel, where they had some goood pizza waiting. By the time either me or Terry ended up back at the room and in bed.. the sun was coming up. Crrraaasssshhh.... glad they had extra thick curtains! ZZzzzzzzz.... A big gang of us outside the Hilton.. |
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| Pics from Bear Pride Chicago.... |
[May. 27th, 2009|10:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Green Day - "Know Your Enemy" | ] |
Click here for all the pics I took at Bear Pride.. you may be in them...
Where do I start?
It started as a vacation to Bear Pride Chicago. Then I came out to my mom. Then it was going to be dinner on the way to Chicago. then I came out to my sister. then my aunt, Katie, uncle george, and my grandma. Next thing i knew. they all were not only accepting of me, but excited for me, and wanted to meet Terry. So the Thursday on the way to Chicago, we spent an entire day and night in my hometown, Mishawaka. I can't even begin to express and put into words what I was feeling. Just short of surreal. I had dreams before that were similar..but they were dreams. Everyone treated Terry like real family, and with the same respect anyone's partner would receive. And they all got along so great :) And I had some great and eye opening conversations with family members that I didn't ever think I'd have. And then my sister Bonnie took me out to a small bar in South bend called "Vickie's". That was interesting. It's a very small place. very different from anything here in Columbus. It wasn't exclusive to just guys, or just bears, or just a piano bar, or just drag queens, etc. It was everyone's bar. The owner Vickie bought me a drink and welcomed me with open arms. Loopy as she was (she had a few by that point) she was hugging me and congratulating me for coming out. And then I beat my sister at pool woohoo! (how'd that happen? lol).
I had a permanent smile all weekend. Even when I was tired, or grumpy from lack of sleep by Sunday.. I was still smiling on the inside.
We left Friday from Mishawaka to go to Chicago and I was for once relaxed and guilt-free. How many times I've traveled the same road to Chicago and thought "what if they find out?" or even further back..the depression of leaving such a fun place to come home to a still somewhat small-minded town. For the first time I finally feel about the closest thing ever to "normal" as one could ever feel. Well not normal. Normal is boring. I felt whole.
Since I have so much to post about.. I'm gonna post about a day at a time over the next couple days. For now.. sleep. Back to work tomorrow.. the big comedown from a high of an entire weekend of fun and friends around. Hugs everyone! 
Friday...
I woke up before terry, went upstairs and chatted with my aunt Katie and uncle George for a bit. Once Terry was up we got ourselves around and hit the road for Chicago.
Bear Pride Chicago! It had been about 2 years since I last was in what I once considered home away from home. There's a little bit of sentimental value there. It's the first city I ever felt like myself in.
We got to the Crown Plaza hotel. The bummer was parking was mega expensive. Only to find out after we paid that we could have paid 1/3 the cost to park down the block. GRRR grumble. But immediately I was seeing familiar faces.
For those unfamilar with the bear community (like my family, etc).. we really all do seem to know each other.. or at least of each other through friends. This was no exception. I could list names upon names and would forget some people. After chatting up some hellos, we headed out for food. It became clear quickly we were in the greek neighborhood, as every food place had greek signs and was blue and white. So where did we go? Philly's Best Pizza :) I had a gooood chicken parmesain grinder and terry had pizza. We headed back and things were starting to get ready for the evening. The first evening is kinda low key, since many traveling to are just getting in town. The hotel put up this huge ballroom/meeting room with sofas, tables, and food.. and in one side pool tables and a pinball machine. We took our own sodas because no way I was gonna pay the hotel's $6-7 a drink for beers. Heeeeeelll no. Over the course of the evening we saw Mike from KY, the photographer.. we saw Brian and Paulo who used to live here in CMH, Matt from chicago, Mike from Toronto, and Tony.."shychicagobear".. one of the first friends I made in Chicago who always saved me a spot at the bar when I came into town. I missed some of these guys so much! We also got to see many of the usual gang..Rob, Miguel, and I finally got to meet Woofer in person (the camera doesn't lie in this case :) :)
The next part was a hoot. The guys who host bTalk, a podcast on itunes.. four funny witty cuddly guys from Minneapolis who have an hour a week to talk about anything and everything.. decided to do their podcast live from the ballroom. In this hour, they decided to do some audience participation. They had a goofy contest, involving our friend Rob (Rob Blow on here). Then they'd stop and yell "shot break!". They had people volunteer to have a shot with them. They had to kneel down and Kurt (I think) poured straight from a bottle. I didn't get up the nerve to do it during, but they were still doing it after the show when I went up to get a tshirt (done by KillerBob..who's an amazing artist :) So I assumed the position, they poured... and someone made me laugh so I almost spit all over the place. And Terry got before and after pics lol. Also, A Bear's Life magazine was there taking pictures and Malcolm Ingram was there with a video crew all weekend capturing video for a documentary he's making called 'Bear Nation". I can't wait to see what happens but I have a feeling if I turn up in it, it will be "oh no! the camera was rolling when I did *what?* :) It was great to see Malcolm too, since I met him back at his movie showing here in Columbus and a bit online..would loved to have chatted more but he had a lot of work to do.
So end of the night and after a round of pool (I haaaad to try the pool table) I remember crashing a little early (night life in Chicago goes til about 4am most of the time)...that would be probably the only decent night's sleep I got all weekend. Unfortunately, when stuff is going on around me, it's hard to nap even if I'm tired. I start thinking "I could be doing something else!". And so ended Friday night.. me and Terry.. over and out for the night. Me..about to down a shot of whatever "mystery alcohol" was in bottle number 2. I felt like I was on Let's Make A Drunk Deal...
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| Weekend Update with Rob... |
[May. 5th, 2009|05:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Morrissey - "Best Friend On The Payroll" | ] |
This last weekend was a pretty great way to celebrate my 32nd birthday.
Friday night I went out with my coworker (read: surrogate work-mom) Sherry and our friend Drew we used to work with to TGI Friday's. Why Fridays? I dunno I didn't pick it. We all had a crappy work week so we wanted to let loose. Things were off to a bad start. They see us 3, led by a crabby (and I say that lovingly) woman, a very large 350+ish young guy, and me. They wanted to sit us at the baaaaaaack of the restaurant even though it was empty. Next to another table full of kids. Sherry and Drew at the same time objected and asked we get a different table. They moved us and rustled to find another waitress. Once we got a different seat, Sherry asked about the drink specials. The waitress hesitantly said something about at the bar they have cheap beer. Sherry wanted an Appletini and an appetizer menu. I ended up getting a mudslide-like martini that was kinda weak and some potato skins. We talked, griped, laughed away an hour or so, went out to the SUV after, talked a while more, then decided to go to dave & Buster's (if you arent local, that's Chuck E Cheese with good food, better games, bigger kids, and a full bar). I had a great "Snowcone" drink that hit the spot and we talked away til it was time for us all to part ways.
Saturday, not only was it time for one of our friends Jeff & Ed's parties out in nowhere, lancaster, but Terry found out ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shelbycub (William) would be in town! Nice! The highlight of the party was recording William's podcast "The Inappropriate Couch" on the patio with a cast of loopy bears. Always a blast. You can find that on itunes for free if you wanna listen or click the link above. It was good. A few drinks, especially something a friend passed around called a "Swine Flu Shot" that could have killed any disease..with burning, and some hottubbing wore out the little energy I had left of the week but I had an awesome time and got to hang out with some friends I hadn't in a while.
Sunday was the traditional Waffle House trip. As always a fun time was had by all (of us...I dunno about the staff). And we were going on for a bit making up a commercial for Gubba-mint Gum. Hadda be there. terry left to go back to work on his car some, and William and his friend ken stayed for a bit as we swapped new music and talked about whatever.
After they left I went out shopping, mainly to enjoy the last of the nice day. I got a stack of cool cheap stuff at Half price Books including hard to find cds by Howard Jones and A-Ha, and the book "White Trash Ettiquette", along with a sealed collectors edition of "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" dvd and soundtrack..yeah I have weird taste. Went to "Little Athens" for dinner for a gyro. Not bad, but not the best either. That ranking goes to Buckeye Donuts on campus. Who knew the best gyros came from a donut shop?
And then to cap the weekend off, my very very good friend frankzbear (Mark) is now engaged! Congratulations Mark!!! Big hugs to you both!!
And now it's the week again..blecchh.. lol. Almost midway though. Have a good week everyone!!
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| On the evening before my 32nd birthday... |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|08:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beastie Boys - "The Skills to Pay The Bills" | ] |
I really had no expectation that things would be so good and that this birthday would be the one I would remember forever. You always think it would be your 16th, your 21st, your 30th..right?
I got home today and had 3 different cards in the mail. I also got one that was sent to my old place (thanks Jim for letting me know). I've kind of felt like every day these last couple weeks have been my birthday. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it blows my mind that not only has everyone so far in my family been extremely accepting of me after coming out, but it has really brought back a bond that I hadn't felt nearly as strong since I was a teenager. Especially with my sister Bonnie. We've probably talked more in the past week than we had on the phone in the past year. I can finally share all those things I was afraid to. I can now relax. And everyone seems to love Terry to death so far, especially Bonnie and my Mom. How could I have been worried? Why didn't I trust my instincts? Anyhow, it's nice. It's far beyond nice. I feel like that big puzzle piece that I couldn't find is finally in place in my life.
At work, I've been pretty busy the last couple days. I'm training our new girl Tammy. I think she's got what it takes to make it. She seems to be picking up pretty fast. It does leave me a little stressed that I have to let things go that I can't do the half a day I'm at her desk, but I know my boss wouldn't ask me to train her without knowing that will happen. And with the extreme laziness exhibited by a couple coworkers.. I really have to stop worrying when I do worry. It is getting easier. Since I've been way less stressed lately about other areas of my life, I've slept better and I'm more relaxed in demeanor. Even when I have a busy day.. this is such a great job - especially when I look at Calltech or Quality Dining from my past.
I did some online shopping last night.. which was gonna be from my pocket but since I received some monetary gifts.. it was like gifts in advance. I got the new Morrissey reissue/remaster/repackaged versions of "Southpaw Grammar" and "Maladjusted" both with extra unreleased material, the "Something Is Squeezing My Skull" single, parts 1 and 2, and Pet Shop Boys "Yes", deluxe 2 cd edition that doesnt seem to have come out in stores yet despite a release date. Not that I ever need the new cds.. but everyone has to have some sort of compulsive hobby I guess. At least mine isn't as deadly or expensive as Whitney and Bobby's..
Oh and about Bearvillities. This weekend we went to Bearvillities with our friend Drew from Toledo and had a blast. I got lots of good pictures which should be up soon on photobucket, my facebook already has them, and I've giving them to Jeff for the C.U.B. website this weekend. Highlights..Hollywood style.. The Little Mermaid with booboobob , Mommie Dearest rendition of "Hell is For Children", Snow White, Pocahontas and Cinderella doing Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up", Bear-Cher doing "If I Could Turn Back Time", and "I Love Lucy" Vitameatavegimin skit, and Lucy and Ricky doing Weird Al's "Ricky".. It was really really good. Hats off to all involved for such a great job. Then we headed to Exile, which is becoming my new favorite bar. They had the entire patio open now with a bonfire, and it was the perfect temperature. Just relaxed and chatted away with friends for quite a while, then came home to crash.
And the weekend's almost here! Plans include TGIFriday's with my coworker/friend Sherry and ex-coworker Drew, and a big party at our friends' Jeff and Ed's saturday. I plan on celebrating my butt off. Over and out for now.. I need to get some good sleep tonight.
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| Coming out story #4: Pretty much the rest of the family.. |
[Apr. 25th, 2009|01:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
So as I mentioned earlier this week, I came out to my sister. And all went extremely well. During that conversation I asked if she had known if my aunt suspected about me. She said she didn't really know..
The next morning at work i got a text message.. "I asked Katie today and she said she's known like forever".
About 20 minutes later I get a call on my cell.. it's my uncle...
Wonderful! I'm thinking "Oh shit.. who'd you tell??" So in between all my stuff to do at work on a very busy day I'm trying to text back and forth to my sister. I finally got home and called my uncle back. Turns out they've suspected a long time but as everyone else has, not said anything until I was ready. My aunt especially was very much like "this is news?". They also promised not to spread this to others, namely my dad. If and when that happens.. I'll be ready. But not yet. I wanna be happy with knowing those closest to me are back being a more intense part of my life again.
They all want to meet terry. they're so happy to hear we've been together 2 and a half years now. The best part is knowing all those good dreams I've had, picturing Terry getting along and hanging out with my family with no fanfare.. are now going to get to be reality. My mom has been asking for a lot of the pics of us I've posted to facebook from the last 2 years, but the big versions, so she can hang them up. It still hasn't sunk in fully yet that my family is actually *excited* for me. I figured... accepting...respectful yes.. but the "wow that's so cool! when can we meet him?" is still.. I have to pinch myself..
So umm.. wow this is the best birthday present I could have received this year :) :) |
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| Gorgeous Saturday... |
[Apr. 25th, 2009|01:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Killers - "Spaceman" (Bimbo Jones remix) | ] |
So I'm all energetic today. Or was. It's 84 degrees outside. I got up this morning with 2 things to do - go to the library to take some cds back, and find the new Pet Shop Boys "Yes" special edition that supposedly came out Tuesday.
As usual I found a few cool cds at the library, then I went to Spinelli's. As usual, there was a bit of eye candy to watch as I was waiting for my food. Once I was done I stopped at Giant Eagle next door for some stuff I was out of, then off to campus area.First I stopped at Magnolia Thunderpussy Records. They usually carry the good special edition stuff. They saw that it never came in like it should have. So i left and went closer to campus and I parked in that huge parking garage and decided to walk end to end until I found the one cd I wanted. I stopped in Singing Dog. The older guy that runs the place said he ordered it but it never came in. Then I walked to Buybacks. No chance of a used copy but I checked anyways. By now I had already been asked once for change, once to sign a petition, and someone actually came into the store harrassing customers to donate to something. I told her i didnt have any cash and she was like "are you sure??" I got mad and left. I'm not an uncharitable person, but please I just want to shop in peace. I went to House O Music, and the guy that runs that place also said he saw that it should have come out but didn't get it in like he should. Last stop was Used kids, which sells mostly used stuff but some good new stuff also. They had the plain edition but not the special edition. I'm convinced it didn't come out. One of those would have had it. Well at least i got excercise, since that was my goal :)
So I'm off to Bearvillities tonight. That should be fun. and a trip to BD's Mongolian BBQ with whoever tags along beforehand. That should be a blast :) |
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| Breakroom conversation: Cell phones in the restroom.. |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|04:10 pm] |
C: (On his way in from the restroom) "OK seriously, someone was just teleconferencing in the bathroom stall!"
R: "Oh that's just not right. Calling anyone while in the act in a bathroom is just rude!"
C: "Yeah I think anyone who can full on teleconference while dropping sewer pickles should get an award." |
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| Coming out story #3: My sister... |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|07:03 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Deepeche Mode - "Wrong" | ] |
Yes I know I haven't posted much here lately. I've kind of become addicted to facebook.. it suits my spastic nature and all. But I do have something substantial to post..
I finally decided to out myself to my sister last night. It was a weird way I did it though. She called yesterday to discuss some medical stuff.. we're both realizing similar anxiety and ADHD related issues as we get older. I talked to her on lunch and wanted to just tell her then, but knew I wouldn't have time.
Well my mom and her boyfriend Jon are on my facebook now (oh great now I have to self-censor? lol) So I added my sister. I was planning to call her back at night before she saw though. I called her just as she was going to call me.
Turns out she was extremely cool about things other than being a little mad that I hadn't told her before. Turns out she still has some very close gay friends and well.. I didn't realize in the same way she didn't know about my personal life. But she pretty much suspected. So we talked away for a couple hours as I tried to fill her in on as much as possible.
Add 2 more people to our visit to my mom's. Not only is it gonna be the big coming out party or something.. they will all get to meet Terry. No pressure at all :) LOL It will be great to share more with her now. We've gotten back to being close again now that we've grown up so I'm glad this can help that bond a bit. And she's joining my friends list (oh lord..) So everyone wave hello! :) :)
Thanks Bonnie for being so cool about stuff. Now you get to see the crazy side of me lol or at least the human side :)
Hope everyone has a good Thursday! |
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| Feeling good on a Friday.. |
[Apr. 17th, 2009|01:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kat deluna - "Unstoppable" | ] |
This has been a pretty decent week overall. And it's Friday, it's sunny, I'm in a good mood and just had a goood Baja Burger at Cheeseburger In Paradise. Mmmmmm...
As I've mentioned in the last several posts, I've been re-establishing a bond with my Mom since coming out to her a couple weeks back. I've talked to her on the phone several times, including Easter. My mom found out from my dad, that a second cousin of mine I grew up with has also recently come out. This is the son of my uncle that my dad got a lot of his bad influence from. Sweet Justice that both uncles in my family I've associated with bigotry and homophobia have out children now :)
A lot of changes have happened at work and I'm back into my senior role again. Lots of specific projects, doing some training of a new team that is joining us for a bit, and preparing for a big GM rollout on June 1st. So at least some of the mundane daily stuff is on the backburner.
Just planning a nice relaxing weekend. Saturday we are gonna celebrate Terry's birthday at City BBQ, and besides that, no plans at all..maybe go out to Exile a bit. That's about it really. If you wanna help celebrate give us a shout :)
Otherwise I'm just psyched up for Bear Pride in Chicago, and the trip on the way taking terry to meet my mom. It's really something I never expected to be happening. My mom is already treating Terry like family which is more than I could have asked for. Now when she emails me she always makes it a point to include him. :)
I know... "oh will he just shut up about it already" :) But this is big. I know it *shouldn't* make a difference what people think of me, but a large part of me feels somehow more validated and real now that my mom and her boyfriend Jon are very inclusive and open to my life and to Terry.
Anyways hope you all have a good weekend!! Hugs! |
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